Me-topia

If you’re always last on your own priority list, it might be time to rethink what self-care really means. In this final episode of the series, Clare and Janet explore أنا-توبيا - the relationship you have with yourself - and why tending to it is not selfish, but essential. They discuss how self-neglect affects mood, resilience and even sexual desire, and why so many people, especially women, struggle to keep anything back “just for me.”

Drawing on personal reflections and years of therapeutic work, they look at the powerful forces that shape how we treat ourselves: family patterns, martyr behaviour, cultural expectations, perfectionism, Instagram pressure and the fear of appearing self-indulgent. Clare and Janet challenge the idea that good self-care has to look a certain way, instead emphasising that it must be personal, authentic and tailored to what genuinely nourishes you whether that’s a cold-weather circuit class or a quiet walk in the park.

They also explore the “community of selves” within us - the inner critic, the loving parent, the rebellious teenager - and how learning which version of ourselves we bring to different situations can transform both self-esteem and relationships. Building on this, they introduce Damien Hughes’ four pillars of wellbeing (safety, control, value and belonging) as a practical way to check in with yourself when things feel off.

Clare and Janet explain why poor self-care often shows up first in our sex lives: reduced desire, less capacity for intimacy, quicker conflict and a shorter emotional fuse. They share the everyday practices from tiny pauses throughout the day to solo pleasure, hobbies, exercise, baths, dancing in the kitchen or simply breathing that sustain our emotional reserves and keep relationships steady, connected and joyful.